cyn-i-cal
[sin-i-kuhl] –adjective| 1. | like or characteristic of a cynic; distrusting or disparaging the motives of others. |
| 2. | showing contempt for accepted standards of honesty or morality by one's actions, esp. by actions that exploit the scruples of others. |
| 3. | bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic. Everyday seems like a struggle dealing with various people who test my patience and push me to the edge of my breaking point. How does God want me to deal with my cynical attitude? Is it all together wrong to be cynical? Once I have tried to let go of bitterness; after I have decided to stop holding bitterness in my heart I am left with a distaste; a uncaring attitude to the point that I am a shell of a person looking into your eyes hearing what you are saying but not actually listening. Because I don't trust anything you are saying - because I know your motive for saying every word is self-interest. What do I do from here - I did what I thought was the right thing to do; stop being bitter. I even forgave. At least I like to think so. But if I continue to entertain you by listening and indulging your self-interest, how will I ever have any respect for myself. So my goal is to be selfless; changing myself as I would like you to change. Will this solve the problem - no, definitely not. But maybe I will be too busy caring about other people's needs that I will not see my own. Even though secretly I want to be selfish and indulge in pity for myself because of what has been done wrong to me. God knows and cares about all the things that happen to His children even though I may not feel it all of the time; I have to give it to Him but that doesn't mean He will take it all away. "Praise the Lord; praise God our savior. For each day he carries us in his arms." - Psalm 68:19 |
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